All things being equal, the only foreseeable downside to the Lovetron 9000, besides a name that, if uttered aloud, will end all chances of a serious sexual encounter, is the potential flesh-eating infection you could get from having a foreign object inserted surgically into your cookie pounder. Or maybe complications from the surgery that prevent you from ever getting an erection again. Or some kind of dickie drooling caused by a nick in the ol’ hose so that all your piss and jizz shoots out cockeyed from now on and you go off like a fire hydrant in an old-timey Brooklyn neighborhood.
Hey fellas, when’s the last time your special friend bored your ass off by suggesting another blowjob? I mean, good God, why don’t we just look at paint samples and watch Antiques Roadshow, you tedious so-and-so. Well have I got a treat for you! At long last, genius philanthropist and altruist Kuang-Yi Ku has designed a dental retainer meant to improve the experience of getting a blowjob. Not giving one, because that cock socket should be happy to just be here, right? But man, you’re finally going to be able to sit through receiving one without nodding off or reaching for a book.
I nearly made it through Wuthering Heights the last time she tried to “spice up the relationship.”
History is rife with accounts of great men enduring substandard blow jobs just to appease the blowee because men are very giving that way. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had to get my puddle-jumper tongue-tickled just because I thought it’d cheer the other person up when they were in a funk. I’m the kind of guy who does that. Also, I can’t count the number of times because zero isn’t technically a number, but never mind that. When I do finally get my little Hasselhoff near someone’s humid beachfront property, you better believe I’ll be doing it solely for their benefit. I’m that good. I assume.