However, when Eddie kicks another one of the weasels in the balls and it falls into a vat of Doom’s acid, there’s no angel. The same thing happens to Doom (a closeted cartoon) when he himself gets the acid treatment at the end of the movie … and to the little shoe. Surely that innocent clog was more worthy of Jesus’ embrace than a couple of literal weasels and a guy with the last name “Doom.”
The implication here is that Doom’s sludge burns away not only a cartoon’s body, but their soul. It’s sort of like reading the Harry Potter books for Seventh-Day Adventists. Because we’ve seen two different weasel fates, we know it’s not a morality thing. It’s not like the shoe knocked boots with his brother’s wife or something.
The only other explanation we can think of is that the acid doesn’t actually kill the cartoons; it merely dissipates their still-conscious molecules, which will now live in perpetual agony at the bottom of that barrel for all eternity. So, as you’re falling asleep tonight, just remember: That poor murdered shoe is burning in hell, one way or the other.
Aladdin — The Genie Has Stockholm Syndrome
Aladdin is a beloved animated classic … that we’re about to ruin for you with two simple images. You know at the end of the movie, when Aladdin uses his third wish to free the Genie? This is symbolized by the unclasping of the magical shackles on his wrists:
And yet, when we see the genie next, in The Return Of Jafar, the shackles are there again:
They’re also there in the animated series, and all of the Genie’s further appearances. Why? Because the sad truth is, after thousands of years of being trapped in a lamp and forced to grant wishes to people … the Genie doesn’t actually want to be free. He suffers from the condition known as Stockholm syndrome, in which captives empathize with their captors as a way to cope with their situation. He’s basically a big, blue Patty Hearst.
Sure, the Genie claims he wants freedom — but he could have freed himself long ago. When Aladdin almost drowns, the Genie rescues him by voicing a request (“Genie, I want you to save my life”) then nodding Aladdin’s unconscious head up and down. Why didn’t the Genie just do that while one of his other masters was sleeping, or passed out from having sex 200 times in a row with their newly acquired 20-inch penis?
Furthermore, the Genie displays issues with the fundamentals of relationships from the get-go. He calls himself Aladdin’s friend as soon as he meets him (over and over, through a musical number) but also refers to Al as “master” — clearly, the Genie is deeply confused about what friendship means. Meanwhile, Aladdin says at the beginning of the movie that Abu is his “only friend,” and that remains true throughout the series. Aladdin, a well-documented shitbag and manipulator, tricks the Genie into giving him a free wish, goes back on his word, frequently forces him into his tiny, uncomfortable lamp, and aggressively ignores his advice to stop lying to Jasmine.
The one nice thing Aladdin does is set the Genie free with his final wish, but that was probably just to convince Jasmine that he’s not a lying scumbag (despite all previous evidence to the contrary). Besides, he just hooked up with a rich sugar mama. He’s set for life. That the Genie still comes back and continues serving as this asshole’s de facto magical manservant is one of the most tragic twists in all of fiction.
Jordan Breeding has a blog, a Twitter, and a debilitating fear of Walt Disney’s frozen head. Liam is a writer and editor at Ranker. He has an infrequently used Twitter, and he’s thinking about getting a cat.
For more classic Disney sadisticness, check out 5 Horrifying Details Hidden in Classic Children’s Cartoons and 8 Horrifying Moments From Classic Kids Cartoons.
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